I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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