She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
