I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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