Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
