so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
