Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
