Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
