So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
