he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
