and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
