Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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