i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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