There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
