We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
