I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
