We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
