You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
