I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
