i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
