last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
