i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
