i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Randomize
