So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Randomize
