my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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