It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My bed smells like the plague
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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