I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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