Dual....:-)
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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