is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
