I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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