So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
