I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
