I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
