i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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