She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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