i think my tv is drunk
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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