She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
