Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
