The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
