About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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