A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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