i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
