and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
