No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
