Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
