If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
