OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
