let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
