I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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