I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
