I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You took a bar mat shot.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
