Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
