Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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