I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
